I reflected on it all while I prepared for a date I had that afternoon. (Even with all that had happened I still found time to let somebody take me out. )

But being serious,

I honestly felt like the night before had been a dream. Before that night I hadn't seen Aries since 2012. Seeing him felt surreal. I realized that although he and I were at the same party, I didn't really see him. The situation made me so uneasy that I never really looked him in the face. I spent so much of my night trying to avoid him that I didn't even make eye contact. I didn't hug him or ask how he was doing and  now I really regret that. Aside from that night being awkward for me, me being intoxicated played a huge role in me keeping my distance. Also, I had reached out to him numerous times, even before I knew the state of his health and he blew me off, so I was a bit annoyed that he wanted to be all in my face at the party. With me, consistency is always key.  I guess my ego overpowered my heart that night and in retrospect I wish I had been sober enough to talk to him. If I could do things differently, I would have asked him how he was really doing and let him know that I was there if he ever needed me.  Whether he acknowledges it or not he will always be my friend and I will always love him. I mean, I got a tattoo for that man and although I've had more than enough time to get it covered up, I have yet to do so and probably never will.

I sat speechless on the phone for a while, while I tried to find the right words to say. At that moment I contemplated not going. But if I didn't go I felt like I was letting him control me, in plus my greedy butt had been ready for that food since the day she'd invited me. Oddly enough, a small part of me wanted to see him. I honestly just wanted to get the encounter out of the way. Since the break up I had wondered if I would ever  see him again because I knew that  if it was up to me we would never cross paths. However, being that we share a mutual friend and have other connections I knew it was likely that one day we would. I was honestly hoping that it would be a few years down the line, once I'd completely healed from the break up. I started to feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach and it wasn't the kind that I'd had  on our first date nor when he and I had first kissed,  it was a different sort of feeling. I guess instead of butterflies in my stomach they were moths in my gut and I started to get nervous at the thought of having to face him.
"Oh, I see." I said as if I was unbothered.
"Well, I've got a date so I'll probably just slide later on, once everyone is gone."

I hung up the phone and proceeded to have  a mini internal breakdown.

Now I had planned on being fine for my date but I knew I really had to f*ck it up now. This was going to be a chore for me because I honestly hadn't really been feeling my appearance lately. Since we've been broken up I've gained some weight and its been a long journey back to my healthy lifestyle that I'd had before him. I knew that if I was going to survive that night I had to not only look confident but  feel confident. I picked out an outfit that highlighted the areas of my body that I felt were positives and of course that masked the areas I deemed as negatives. I took my time doing my make up. I even wanded my damn hair! (that shit is time consuming and irritating) I made sure I felt like a queen. I told myself that I would have fun on my date and I wouldn't allow the idea of seeing Taurus to ruin my night.

My date and I were supposed to catch a 2 hour long movie and to be honest,  I knew I wouldn't be able to sit through that without losing my damn mind. That would allow me too much time to think and since this would be my first date with this guy, I actually wanted to talk and get to know him. Thankfully, my date didn't mind grabbing dinner instead.

He and I actually had a really good time at dinner. I genuinely enjoyed myself with him and I was really happy that I had agreed to go. I was also happy that it was keeping my mind off of the meeting that I would have later on that night. Unfortunately the positive vibes wouldn't last long, at the tail end of my date I got a text message that sent me into a whirlwind of emotions.