For as long as I can remember, my weight has always been a constant theme in my life. I hate to sound like an early morning infomercial but I have always struggled with my weight. At the age of 11, I became aware that my weight was a problem. I remember feeling mildly uncomfortable hearing my doctor explain to my mother that I was overweight and that I should become more active to get my weight down. Even then though, the fact that I was overweight didn't bother me. I was never taunted or bullied and I had no qualms with my appearance. It wasn't until high school that my my weight really started to bother me. I gained a lot of weight from freshman to senior year and had even been prescribed weight loss pills. While they did suppress my appetite, so much so that I would forget to eat, and lead to a drastic weight loss, that was only a temporary fix and of course the pounds came back, with a vengeance.

        

It wasn't until the end of my freshman year in college (2010-2011) that I knew I could not allow myself to gain any more weight.  By the second semester of my freshman year my weight had  reached 245 pounds and at that point I knew I had to make some changes. 

     

So that is exactly what I did. I decided to completely change my eating habits. I made it my New Years Resolution of 2012 to lose weight. By cutting carbs out of my diet and eating mostly proteins and veggies, I had lost 20 pounds within 2 weeks. My confidence was boosted and my drive to continue to lose weight increased. I wanted to see who I was underneath all the weight.

So I started to work out

In 5 months I had gone from 245 to 195 pounds. That was a 50 pound weight loss. I did it all by myself without the help of nutritionists or trainers and that felt great but I wanted more. For someone who is overweight, and over 200 pounds, dropping into anything less than 200 pounds is like making it to one of your many finish lines. Its like the golden territory: The coveted 100s. So while many women would cringe at seeing 195 pounds on the scale, I wore mine with pride. I continued to make progress until I reached  the first goal I ever set. By fall of 2013 I had reached 180 pounds and at that point,  couldn't nobody tell me nothin! I just knew I was the sh*t.

It had been a long road to 180 pounds and a hard one to surpass. I've found that 180 is where my body likes to get comfortable. That is where my body likes to plateau. I plateaued at 180 pounds for a full year (2013-2014) before I started seeing any real changes. 

Once I got into the 170s(summer 2014),  I was the most comfortable I have ever been with my own body. While I still wanted to lose weight,  I had little to no complaints with my size.

 

After living in the 170s for a whole summer I found that by the fall my weight began to pick up again. During the summer my weight would fluctuate from 170 to 175  and by the end of september 2014,  my weight reached 190 pounds again.  It didn't help that by October, I decided to halt a situationship in its tracks with a guy that I really cared for.  Being an emotional eater, food became my best friend while getting through that rough patch,

but eventually I snapped out of my food trance and decided to find some solace in working out.
I was so depressed that I threw myself into a workout routine that consisted of me working out 2 times a day, once in the morning and again in the evening, all while intermittent fasting.

For three months, October 2014 to January 2015, my whole life was work, gym, repeat. Doing that,  I saw the lowest weight I had ever seen in my adult life; 160 pounds.

So its 2016 and I'm sure you're wondering where I am on the weight spectrum. I am not proud nor ashamed to say that I am back in the 200s. My weight currently fluctuates from 204 to 207 pounds. I packed on a lot of my weight within the last 6 months. This past summer was emotional hell for me. I went through a deep depression followed by a terrible break up and I attribute all of my weight gain to that.  After my break up in August,  I started working out heavy again but most of it was muscle building exercises so I know a portion of my weight gain is due to muscle growth.

Either way, I need to lose weight. 

I can't fit any of my favorite clothes and I'm generally unhappy with my body right now. Although I've lost weight in the past...there just seems to be one problem this time....

I Cant Stop Eating.

I have always been an emotional eater and have always had a problem with binge eating but it has never been this severe until this past year. 

I have already come to terms with the fact that I have irregular eating behaviors and ultimately an eating disorder but honestly it's unacceptable. 

I have to change my mental process and although it is a  hard thing to do it is possible and must be done. 

My goal weight is 145 pounds and I wont stop until I get there. 

You are now joining me on my weight loss journey.

Y'all ready?

I am!