I keep trying to come up with an excuse but shit, I've just been living. Now that I'm  back, lets get all the boring stuff out of the way. I'm a senior now. I graduate in May with a Bachelors degree in Communication Sciences and Disorders. I hope to go to grad school next year. ANYWHERE but Chicago. I would like a Masters in Occupational Therapy. I work for human resources at Target. I'm 22. I bought a new car. I'm single.

Yes, I'm still single. 3 days before Valentine's day. 

I don't care, I don't care. At least that's what I'm telling myself but to be honest. Relationships and dating  have been the least of my worries lately.

I keep on trying to figure out what I will do after I graduate college. Now if you ask me, I will spill out, without hesitation a list of the things that I will do:

take the prerequisite courses for most accredited occupational therapy programs, complete volunteer hours to get into an Occupational therapy program, Apply to grad school, go to occupational therapy school.

I've trained myself to do this. To seem so ready and sure and so under control and my God, I am full of shit. Of course I plan to do these things but I'm unsure. I hope I'm going in the right direction. I feel like I'm just going along with this plan and waiting for God to intervene with a beautiful distraction that will somehow land me on the right path, to exactly where I am supposed to be.

Who will I be after I graduate? For the last 8 years my whole life has been about this graduation that is coming in May and after that its all over. Who am I if I'm not the student, working toward a degree just trying to make it. I've been such a good student. I've played this role so well. Who will I be when that's all over. Its become a part of my identity. 

I may be melodramatic. I'm aware but this uncertainty is real.

*sighs* 

But how yall doin?