I started this blog in 2012 as a way to cope with losing my best friend. At the time,  losing meant ending a 2 year relationship with someone I had been friends with since the 6th grade; in retrospect, I had no idea what I was in for. I did know, however, that the ending of this relationship would definitely be felt deeply. Every major life event that I had had up until that point was shared with this person. He'd known everything about me in the most intimate way that someone can know you and he had loved me in a way that I had never been loved before.


Last year I shared on this blog the grief and helplessness I'd felt when I learned that he'd been diagnosed with Leukemia. When I learned of his diagnoses a portion of myself was already grieving. I wanted so badly to be there for my friend. The way I had been there before when something bad would happen, the way he had been there for me whenever I needed him but the breakup did not afford us that luxury. I resented our distance more than ever.  I knew that all I could do was reach out as much as he would allow me to.


On this blog I have only ever referred to him as Aries, but his name is Jordan and on September 15th, 2016. Jordan made his transition and went on to be with and become one of my ancestors. He is no longer physically here but his spirit is so strong and ever-present.


I'm convinced that that man is my soul mate...and although he was my boyfriend for a while, I don't mean that in a romantic sense. I believe that soul mates can come in the form of family members, friends, pets, all types of beings we encounter that you just have a soul connection with. Jordan has taught me so much about love even through his passing and it  has changed my life. I am so blessed to have known this man in the way that I have known him. I will never ever forget him.


I will not lie and say that I don't feel angry at times. I have been pissed. I have been so mad that this person who's personality was so lively and so high energy is no longer here in the way I've known him. I'm so angry at cancer. I am so mad that I wasn't able to be there for him. Why didn't I fight to be there? I have so many questions.


But this is life, and even when we don't want it to.. It goes on. I've learned that life is beautiful and death is apart of that. Death does not mean an end to existence all together but the end of one portion of a never ending journey. I don't view time as linear, I've come to believe that instead it is cyclical and I know that I will see him again. I wont  say I ain't hurt but I ain't trippin'. He's made his presence felt from dimensions away and I now know that even in physical death love does not die.


and so it was then and is still , 4510 'till infinity.