I hate failing and giving up. At times I'm overly optimistic and I always feel like everything can always be fixed. If people want to sincerely fix it. I'm not talking about material things I'm talking about relationships with people. I am in the process of ending a two year relationship. Wow, it feels so strange to type that. To actually see it and know that it is the truth. Everything I have shared with this one person for two years is now over.It hurts. Its scary. I'm twenty years old and it seems that nothing is certain, nothing in my life is constant or concrete. The only thing that has been constant is the fact that things keep on changing.

I started college two years ago. As soon as I left my parents decided to separate. At a time when life was so new I needed that rock. I needed that foundation and it was not there. They moved out of the home I had lived in since the beginning of highschool and moved back to chicago in seperate apartments. I decided to live with my mom. All of this happened while I was away at school. On holidays and breaks I had no idea what I was going to come home to. In addition to that Im starting to be on my own financially and that is scary. Of course I get a few dollars from my parents every now and then but I work. I have bills and this adult life aint no Ho*. Excuse my language. I dont have the same home, the same car, the same lifestyle anymore and I honestly dont think I ever got a chance to take that all in. Its like, DAMN CAN WE PAUSE THIS SH*T FOR A WHOLE MOMENT???

I guess not because now the person that I went through all of this with, who I leaned on for emotional support, can no longer be in my life. This break up is happening at another point of change in my life. I'm transferring from one University to another and the whole process has not gone as planned. Im attending a school that I never would have considered before but because of financial reasons and the major that I have chosen Im going to take a chance. It seems that everything is changing before my eyes and that I am not in control of anything. The one thing that I thought I had control over was my relationship and I have failed at that. I feel so discouraged. Im trying so hard to stay positive but I dont know if I will succeed. How do I get over someone Ive spent two years of my life with? It seems impossible. All I know is I need a break from..CHANGE...and its irritating because no one can control life and the changes that come with it. and Ive always been so optimistic and open to change and new things but everything is happening so fast. I need some regularity.