Yesterday was the first day I havent talked to my boyfriend of two years. It wasnt as bad as I thought it would be

Sidenote: All of my posts wil definitely NOT be about this failed relationship. This is just therapy right now. Anything I ever write about this relationship will only be to better myself.

Im usually a very private and secretive person so whenever my boyfriend and I have gone through anything really big in the past I would keep it to myself or talk to him about it. But now that we are at this point. I cant talk to him about it! I opened up to my bestfriend/sister and two of my close friends that I knew would not judge and that would give me insightful and thoughtful advice. I have learned that I do NOT have to go through things a lone and that it feels soooo much better when you can talk to somebody about your problems. Had I not had spoken with those three ladies I do not know where I would be right now. I do realize that throughout this break up process I cant do it a lone. Its going to be a lot of work, internel, emotional and mental work on my part but I realize that I do have a few people that truly care about me and will help me get through it as much as they can!

Latley Ive been trying to stay busy. Get out more. Stay happy and meet new people. (Lately: yesterday and today LOL) I had to work which didnt really help because it is truly mindless work and all I have to do is think. Which is good but also nerve wrecking because I just want a break sometimes. The only break I get from thinking about everything is sleep and I havent been able to sleep as late as I wish I could.

While I was at work thinking I have realized that even though I will miss him dearly I deserve much more and so does he. The bad times outweighed the good and although it pains me to say it, we were unhappy. He was not able to treat me the way he used to because the constant arguing had drained him. I worked so hard to ensure that things would run smoothly that I was not being myself. I was literally losing myself. Im the type of person that loves to laugh, I love to speak my mind and my friends and I always have a ball. I found myself becoming quiet and timid around him because I didnt want to say anything that would irritate him. It seemed as though everything I ever said or did aggravated him. In retrospect, I see that now. I see how very different we both are and how all of this could have been avoided if we wouldn't have ignored the signs and walked away earlier. I do not regret this relationship I know that I have learned a lot about dealing with other people. Although Im not ready to get back into any other relationships for a while, I hope that when I meet someone Im much more cautious with my emotions and my time and I often forget that I am only 20. I have my whole life ahead of me so really this time will be spent on ME.

Im going to start doing things that I probably would have been hesitant to do before. Like go on a roadtrip with my Scorpio Sister!!! To Ohio we go! We will be visting one of her close friends that I was introduced to last year!Its going to be great fun and I can NOT wait!

I promised myself that I would LIVE. That is exactly what I plan to do! Unapologetically!