And Sometimes You Just Aint That Ngga, Fam: When the perfect guy isnt your perfect guy
12:31 PM
I was casually dating a guy for a while. We'll call him Young. Young was a perfect gentleman; nice, sweet, caring, emotionally available and intelligent. He was younger than me but I really didn't mind; he was mature enough. We had fun whenever we'd kick it. I liked him. He would always take me out , show interest in my day to day and he was a good listener; he was definitely bay material. In addition to all of that, Young is handsome! He has those husband features, you know the features you can tell wont expire anytime soon; those black don't crack features. I just know he'll make some beautiful babies one day.
He really seemed to be the perfect guy, the only catch was that he lacked confidence. He doesn't see all of the things I see in him. When I would compliment him and tell him how dope I thought he was, he would struggle with that. He let me know that he was working on his self-confidence and I supported and related because, aren't we all?
I would soon realize that a lack of self-confidence can definitely change the dynamic of a budding romance. On our first date he was noticeably nervous; hands sweaty and slightly shaking. If I hadn't gotten to know him for as long as I did before our first date, I would have been alarmed at how uneasy he was. At first I thought it was kinda cute, I thought he was so nervous because he wanted the first date to go well and that was understandable.
Only his nervousness didn't die down until maybe our third date, I thought that was strange but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and remind myself that everyone is different and maybe he took longer to get comfortable around new people.
After we got more comfortable around each other I started noticing little things; after hanging out with me he would take on my slang and the way I spoke, only it seemed forced and not natural, how those things tend to happen. It was so weird and so strange and so nerdy that it just got to the point where I was like "dude, please be yourself!"
I did like him for him and aside from how great I think he is I see so much potential in him. It wasn't until I noticed him trying to be somebody else, that I saw how awkward and strange he really is in his own skin. Eventually all of his strange little quirks and nuances started to bother me. I felt bad about it so I tried my best to see him in his original light.
He was a perfect gentleman, which I loved but that got old too. When I would make advances to let him know it was okay, he would be so nervous that it would ruin the mood.
One day during a Netflix and chill session, he got bold.
I was hype, like "yes, bih, finally!" But it was way too much, he was too aggressive, too rough and it seemed forced. It was weird, it seemed like both a burst of emotion from all the nerves and also him trying to prove something to me and himself. Needless to say I wasn't feeling it and it went nowhere.
After a year of going out on dates, hanging out, and talking we had never really done anything other than kiss. Needless to say a lot of interest had been lost along the way and I was just kind of hoping that he'd start being a more confident version of himself.
I tried to change my perspective and be understanding because I really did want our relationship to go somewhere, but it got to the point where I would cringe when he would say something out of character. I was just so turned off!
Eventually I just stopped making excuses for why I should keep trying to rock with dude. The only thing that stopped me from liking him, was him.
By no means do I think any less of him, I think he's perfect and I'm sure when he owns his confidence, he will make the perfect guy for someone but it wont be me.
And that's okay.
That just goes to show that you can be the shit, yeah, you can be all that but sometimes you just ain't that ngga, fam.
1 comments
This is interesting.
ReplyDeleteI believe we want the guy to be the leader but also gentle and slightly aggressive in his approach...
Maybe when "young" is 30 he'll be ready.
-britt